Monday, March 24, 2008

...for better or for worse...

Married life has changed both of us significantly over the past 20 months. We both agree that the overwhelming majority of those changes have been for the better and we give our strongest recommendation to those considering participation within the institution of marriage. However, one of us recently had an experience that caused us to consider at least one unfortunate consequence of our union.

The experience occured last week while we were watching TV and a commerical came on announcing today's premiere episode of a new season of a certain MTV reality show. To the great surprise of both spouses, one of us suddenly shouted out with resounding glee, throwing their hands in the air and dancing about like a British schoolgirl on May day.

This akward and regrettable reaction was unfortunately an inevitable consequence of married life. After just 20 short months, we have both significantly influenced each others taste in TV entertainment, but one of us has certainly been more severly affected than the other. So in honor of the often undesirable, sometimes embarassing, and always unexpected changes that occur during marriage we bring you:

The 5 TV shows one of us is embarassed to be caught watching:

5. The Hills

We start the list here because this is the show that spurred the reaction described earlier. For those of you who have failed to give this materpiece of television art its due dilegence allow us to enlighten you. The Hills is the story of one Lauren Conrad and her band of merry friends who are trying to live the American Dream. As high school graduates Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, and Whitney had little going for them except their millionarie parents unfettered desire to pay for anything they want, their luxurious Los Angeles area apartments, and their insatiable appetites for fame. The Hills catalouges the lives of these privileged socialites as they make life changing decisons about cloths, boys, and cloths that boys will like. It is riveting. Why this spouse likes it, we don't really know, but what we do know is that Lauren should definetly go to Paris with Teen Vouge and not let Brody stand in her way, and Heidi should tell Spencer to get out and stay out!!!!!!!

4. Take Home Chef

Take home chef stumbled into our lives as a result of channel surfing during the 5-6 o'clock block when there is nothing good on because the Jazz pregame show hasn't started yet and ESPN is showing the boring "news" version of Sportscenter that is painfully devoid of any meaningful highlights. The star of the show is the suave, Australian, culinary master Curtis Stone. Curtis "dashes out to the market, picks up a friendly shopper, then rushes home to cook an amazing meal and surprise someone special", which loosely translated means that he chooses the hottest 30 something lady he can find, goes to their home where they pretend to help him cook but they are usually too rich and stupid to peel a potatoe, they then scare/surprise the suddenly self-conscious husband, and finally Curtis serves up an awesome meal. Sound boring? WRONG! Watch it once and you too will be wondering how a pinch of paprika can spice your lamp chops.

3. What Not to Wear

Staying with the TLC theme we move on to the slightly more embarassing What Not to Wear. This show is predicated on the obvious reality that most people dress like the fashion baby of Marsha Brady and Marilyn Manson. The hosts, Stacy and Clinton, take the most extreme offenders among us and turn them into descent looking people that should at least be able to get a non-online facilitated date. What makes the show great is Stacy and Clinton's remarkable ability to tear people down and destroy their self-esteem only to build them up again and change their life one pair of dark, straight legged trousers at a time. Also key to the show are Nick the hair stylist and Carmindy the makeup artist who are usually able to convince the unfortunate looking person that looking like a heroine addicted homeless poodle is not particularly flattering for their face. If you remain unconviced, we encourage you to check it out for yourself, but remember- No white after Labor day.

2. America's Best Dance Crew

All you need to know about this show is the following:

It is "presented" by this guy
Hosted by this guy
Performed by groups like these guys
And then judged by this guy

And that's all I really gotta say about that.

1. America's Next Top Model

When I first started being forced to watch this show I felt like Jaeda from cycle 8 looks

But over time the secong grade level cat fighting, the routine ease with which Trya slaughters the english language, and the captivating runway perfomances by the likes of Caridee, Yoanna, and Jaslene have now got me feeling more like Naima (photo right).

There is much that is fascinating about the dynamics of ANTM but what I find particulary interesting is the notion commonly refered to as "high fashion". Being someone who has never flipped through the pages of Vouge and who thinks Juicy Couture sounds like a new snowcone flavor, I admittedly know little about what is considered fashionable or the terminology of the industry. So when I think of high fasion I think that means getting some nice looking girls in some nice looking cloths and having a nice looking outcome. Well, I was only 1 out of 3 on that assumption. High fashion indeed does start out with a nice looking girl but the end game is apparently to turn these nice girls into supersized demonicly possessed fruit bats.


But don't feel bad for these girls, they deserve everything they get for letting this woman be their mentor.

I shouldn't make fun of Tyra. Afterall she really does care about these girls. She takes them under her wing, shows them how to become a supermodel, encourages them to experiment with anorexia and/or bulima, and invites them to open up about painful childhood issues only to use the newly exposed weakness as a reason to quash their life long dream. And for those who don't make it and are doomed to lead a normal life and become mothers, at least she teaches them how to give birth at home in the safest position as recommened by the American Medical Association

You wanna be on top?
No thanks Tyra.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

San Diego

Last month we used Tyler's brother's birthday as an excuse to go to San Diego and watch the Super Bowl with his family. It was quite an event. Kevan, (Ty's Dad ) even made the trip from Hawaii. When you get the Scott boys together for any reason you are always in for a unique experience- but when you get them all together for a sporting is probably best to just leave the house (Which I did) (For awhile- But don't worry, Tyler would not allow me to miss the entire Super Bowl. And sad to say he has managed to brain wash me enough to actually want to watch the game- not just the commercials. I know. Weird.) Anyways, here is a little taste of the crazy sporting fanatics that are my husband and his father:

**Notice the open mouthed scream coming from both of them. Also note Jackson's total disinterest. Clearly his father has caused him to become immune to sudden and thunderous outbursts during sporting events.**
Fortunately for me the entire trip was not spent watching football. We went to the ZOO! If you have not been to the San Diego Zoo you are missing out.

This guy was our favorite. He is San Diego Zoo's oldest orangutan at about a million or so years old.
Now the highlight of our trip was undoubtedly spending time with our nephews. I challenge you to find two cuter boys than this. Seriously.
Meet Teddy and Jack. The cutest ever. Our favorite Teddy comments included: him whining that sharing "Is not fair to me!" and that "Cleaning up is BOORRRING!" I have since used the same useful phrases on Tyler. They seem to work well for me. Thanks Teddy.

Jackson gave me a fun surprise one night when I walked in to find him standing on his brothers desk, his piggy bank and puzzle scattered about his feet. As I lifted him off the desk I realized he was very wet. Not only was he wet but all of the money and the puzzle were as well. I say "Jack why are you so wet?" His calm reply, "I peed". Now Jack is new to the whole potty training thing and there is A LOT of "water" everywhere, so I am hoping that he is just confused, or being funny. So I ask again, "Jack where did this water come from?" He answered, "From my weenie." So there you have it. It came from his weenie. Very nice. He was quite pleased with himself.

It was a quick but enjoyable getaway. We all enjoyed ourselves a great deal (except Tyler, who for about 5 hours was feeling the ill effects of eating too much "authentic" Mexican food....if you know what I mean). With that wonderful visual we leave you with something more pleasant, if only slightly, an image of 3 generations of Scott men.

*Kamal, Teddy, Kevan, Jackson and Ty*

Thursday, March 13, 2008

When HD is Not Your Friend

As promised in our intro post yesterday, you-our faithful readers-, can take comfort in knowing that you can always turn to us for the deepest and most captivating analysis in the world of sports. We waste no time in delivering on said promise as we proudly bring you:

The 5 Ugliest Players in the NBA:
5. Yao Ming
Ok so maybe it's not fair to put a guy who is 310 pounds on our list but at 7 feet 6 inches tall he is actually sort of in proportion. So it's not his freakishly ginormous body we are mocking

It is his face with which we take issue
And it's not just that his jaw is wide enough to swallow a monter truck tire, or that his head is big enough to dam the Yangtze River, really what gets us is that punk nasty underbeard

Can you all see that? The mans got Osama Bin Laden's leg hair growing under (not on, above, or around) just UNDER that jackhammer of a chin. Nasty.

4. Scot Pollard

Scot L. Pollard was born to a nice LDS family in Murray, Utah. Scot, who showed signs of promise at an early age, got us thinking about another young LDS phenom from Murray; namely, David Archuleta. The soft spoken 15 year old has taken American Idolites everywhere by storm the past few weeks so since they share so much in common we thought we'd give you a glimpse of what David's future may look like.

Like David, Scot once had a nice clean-cut look

But he suddenly, unexplicably turned into this

David, we wish better for you.

3. Sam Cassell

Do you remeber in 6th grade science class learning about how the human eyes are located directly in the middle of the head? You know, how they are allegedly the same distance from the top of your head as they are from your chin. Yeah, well we never really believed that. But then we saw this man

Now Megan always mentions that she thinks he looks like an alien. And that analysis is certainly not to be disputed, but after watching Sportscenter tonight Tyler concluded that perhaps Sam more closely resembles another mythical character with which we are all familiar

Do you think it creeps Sam's wife out when he calls her "My Precious"? Just food for thought.

2. Chris Kaman
Chris really put us in a tough position here at the number 2 spot. We were torn when we had to decide which direction to go with Chris. See traditionaly, and understandably, we have gone with the "Caveman" Kaman approach

Chris's long stringy hair and uncharacteristicly prehistoric face made this comparison an obvious choice. But after further review we have conlcuded that a better comparsion can be found from as recently as 1985

Hey ref, he's not complainng about the call, he's just asking for a
Baaaaabbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Ruuuuuuuuuuutttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhh

1. Pau Gasol
We are sure that Pau has a biograghy that is easily researchable and reasonably accurate somewhere on the internet. However, for this post we reject whatever reality that history has to offer and replace it with our own.

As a young man growing up in the foothills of southern Spain, Pau had a unique dream in life. He longed more than anything to become the worlds first 7 foot tall Spanish lumberjack.

Unfortunately he was denied entry into the Spanish Lumberjacks workers union for having size 26 feet which made the union workers feel, well, a little inadequate around their wives (wink wink). He sadly was forced to play professional basketball for 15 years in order to pursue his other lifelong dream of narrating primate documentries for Spain's Animal Planet and impersonating orangutans at the Madrid Zoo.

Maybe Darwin was on to something after all.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In the beginning...

Welcome to our world, please feel free to stay a while. As a long time resistor to the cyber-social world defined by MySpace and Facebook, Tyler has finally seen the value of establishing some kind of site in order to maintain those interpersonal connections that so easliy dissolve as time and life press onward. (Much thanks to Andrea Lisonbee...errr...Moritsen and Tom and Jessica Lebaron for setting a quality example) So here we are; ready, committed, and excited to bring to each of you the Life and Times of Meggy and TyTy. Future posts can be expected to include updates on our lives, i.e. where we decide to live in Portland, whether or not Megan convinces Tyler to get a dog, and how long Megan's consecutive Yahtzee game winning streak continues. You will also get in depth updates and analysis on all things sports. One of us has what can only be described as a severe clinical obsession with sports that is unhealthly focused on the Utah Jazz. We hope that this fixation will not predominate the blog, but rather that it will be nicely complimented by the other spouse's posts on a myriad of diverse topics. With that in mind we warn you and welcome you to what we hope will be a long and happy union between us and you.